Document:  All > Shakespeare > Comedies > Merry Wives of Windsor > Act III, scene II

Jump to: the first appearance of i_cannot_tell_what_the_dickens_his_name_is_my


MISTRESS PAGE: Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you were wont to
	be a follower, but now you are a leader. Whether
	had you rather lead mine eyes, or eye your master's heels?

ROBIN: I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man
	than follow him like a dwarf.

MISTRESS PAGE: O, you are a flattering boy: now I see you'll be a courtier.

	[Enter FORD]

FORD: Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?

MISTRESS PAGE: Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at home?

FORD: Ay; and as idle as she may hang together, for want
	of company. I think, if your husbands were dead,
	you two would marry.

MISTRESS PAGE: Be sure of that,--two other husbands.

FORD: Where had you this pretty weather-cock?

MISTRESS PAGE: I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my
	husband had him of. What do you call your knight's
	name, sirrah?

ROBIN: Sir John Falstaff.

FORD: Sir John Falstaff!

MISTRESS PAGE: He, he; I can never hit on's name. There is such a
	league between my good man and he! Is your wife at
	home indeed?

FORD: Indeed she is.

MISTRESS PAGE: By your leave, sir: I am sick till I see her.


FORD: Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any
	thinking? Sure, they sleep; he hath no use of them.
	Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty mile, as
	easy as a cannon will shoot point-blank twelve
	score. He pieces out his wife's inclination; he
	gives her folly motion and advantage: and now she's
	going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A
	man may hear this shower sing in the wind. And
	Falstaff's boy with her! Good plots, they are laid;
	and our revolted wives share damnation together.
	Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck
	the borrowed veil of modesty from the so seeming
	Mistress Page, divulge Page himself for a secure and
	wilful Actaeon; and to these violent proceedings all
	my neighbours shall cry aim.

	[Clock heard]

	The clock gives me my cue, and my assurance bids me
	search: there I shall find Falstaff: I shall be
	rather praised for this than mocked; for it is as
	positive as the earth is firm that Falstaff is
	there: I will go.


PAGE: |  Well met, Master Ford.
&C: |

FORD: Trust me, a good knot: I have good cheer at home;
	and I pray you all go with me.

SHALLOW: I must excuse myself, Master Ford.

SLENDER: And so must I, sir: we have appointed to dine with
	Mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for
	more money than I'll speak of.

SHALLOW: We have lingered about a match between Anne Page and
	my cousin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer.

SLENDER: I hope I have your good will, father Page.

PAGE: You have, Master Slender; I stand wholly for you:
	but my wife, master doctor, is for you altogether.

DOCTOR CAIUS: Ay, be-gar; and de maid is love-a me: my nursh-a
	Quickly tell me so mush.

Host: What say you to young Master Fenton? he capers, he
	dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verses, he
	speaks holiday, he smells April and May: he will
	carry't, he will carry't; 'tis in his buttons; he
	will carry't.

PAGE: Not by my consent, I promise you. The gentleman is
	of no having: he kept company with the wild prince
	and Poins; he is of too high a region; he knows too
	much. No, he shall not knit a knot in his fortunes
	with the finger of my substance: if he take her,
	let him take her simply; the wealth I have waits on
	my consent, and my consent goes not that way.

FORD: I beseech you heartily, some of you go home with me
	to dinner: besides your cheer, you shall have
	sport; I will show you a monster. Master doctor,
	you shall go; so shall you, Master Page; and you, Sir Hugh.

SHALLOW: Well, fare you well: we shall have the freer wooing
	at Master Page's.

	[Exeunt SHALLOW, and SLENDER]

DOCTOR CAIUS: Go home, John Rugby; I come anon.

	[Exit RUGBY]

Host: Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honest knight
	Falstaff, and drink canary with him.


FORD: [Aside]  I think I shall drink in pipe wine first
	with him; I'll make him dance. Will you go, gentles?

All: Have with you to see this monster.



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